So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
