plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
