My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
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Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
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You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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