I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize