i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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