Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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