The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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