I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
