they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
