Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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