he shaved USA in his pubs
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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