Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
