i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
