I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
