tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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