So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
