I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
