You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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