I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
