nut hugger
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My cat gives me a boner
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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