upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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