hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
