Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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