WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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