none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
