covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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