Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Randomize
