I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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