i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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