my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
