but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
