Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
