Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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