my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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