She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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