I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
why do cheetos always look like penises
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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