So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
