I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I checked into jail on foursquare
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
