I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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