He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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