OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
