no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
