R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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