yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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