did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
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She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
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that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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