No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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