Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
