Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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