dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
