oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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