Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
