I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
