Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
