Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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