Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
