Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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