I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
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I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
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Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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