I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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