i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
