Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
