They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
